BREAKING NEWS: Doorbell rings at 12:06 am...

Stories like the one I am about to tell you are few and far between. Some reporters wait years for something as good as this. I am proud to be the first to report the tale of one mans struggle alone in the streets surrounding Wrigley Field. Plus I was able to get pictures from the scene! Lets start from the beginning...

12:20 pm
Today was just like any other ordinary day. The Cubs were in town, the streets were bustling, and the beer was flowing at the Turner Corporate Baseball Outing. I was sitting down to watch the Cubs game while our good friend, Dini, was at his corporate event. He planned on having a few beers, sitting back, and enjoying the company of his coworkers on this lovely August afternoon.

3:21 pm
Text from Dini stating, "I might stay with you tonight." Great I thought, Dini will be over and we can watch the Bears game, or dare I say,maybe even go to the boats. So I text back, "Cool Boats?"

6:13 pm
Call from Dini (hammered) "Yo you got to come down here, I am the fucking man, dude seriuosly we will play Full Tilt when I get back, why aren't you here?"

Me- "Dini, what are you talking about? Where are you? You sound like you are smoked!"

Dini- "I am, I have been drinking all day....not even all beer either, I am staying with you, you better answer the door!"

Me- "I will, of course...come back now if you want, Bears game is on in..." Dini hangs up on me.

6:22pm
Dini calls, "I am coming over, and I am bringing people, get the beer ready."

Me- "What? Who? Why? We don't have much beer you better pick some up if..." I get cut off.

Dini- "Shut up dude, I know you have beer! Fine just come to Bernies, no I mean Cubby Bear, no I mean Cubby...just get down here and have the beers ready for...."

He hangs up! What an asshole I am thinking, I mean seriously. So I try calling him back to no avail.

7:19-7:48pm
9 calls and no answer from Dini...oh well he must be having a good time I think.

8:28pm
I call Dini again, but this time some black guy who barely speaks a lick of decent english picks up!

Me- "Mike?"

Anonymous Dude - "This is not Mike, this not Mikes phone no more."

Me- "Mike stop messing around." And then the caller hangs up, I think it is one of his coworkers messing around.

8:54pm
Text to Dini- "R u alive?"

9:12pm
Call from Drew and I- "Mike?"

Other end- "Breathing, and nothing said..." Hangs up.

At this point I am little worried, but not really. I figure he is obliterated and just having a blast, but may have lost his phone in his drunken state.

12:06am
Doorbell rings... I can't make up shit this good!













Dini- "I just woke up in an alley by 7 Eleven and I lost my phone. And I don't know where I have been or what happened the last 6 hours!"


Notice the dirt on his shoulders and the leaves and crap on his shirt and in his hair!


Yep that really is a bug on his undershirt...in fact he had a few on him! Apparently still in shock from the whole event and being without his phone, Dini strips down and demands a phone to let his family know that he is ok and lost his phone.


12:23am
After explaining to him I think some random black man has his phone, plus now knowing he was passed out in an alley for no less than 3-4 hours, the true scope of what has occurred hits him. Dini, again demands the phone to call his girlfriend...

12:42am
After a short conversation and a bit of relief, Dini calls his phone multiple times and agrees to meet the mystery man at McDonald's after some negotiating and a $40 bribe to get his phone back.

Now, this guy was one sketchy dude! He wouldn't tell us what he was wearing, just to be there in 15 mins. Obviously, he doesn't trust Dini, and of course we don't trust him. It is likely this guy may have stolen Dini's phone from him while passed out.

12:58am
Sorry for the bad pictures...from my phone in the dark.

Mike meets the anonymous mystery man and pays him $40 for his phone back. The mystery man tells us an amazing tall tale of how Dini was hammered and through his phone at the guy, and then ran away into the alley. The man chased Mike but was afraid the cops would see him and think that he was going to rob Mike, so he took the phone and ran "hoping Mike would call to get it back."


Dini, proceeds to talk for 5 or 6 minutes to this guy so that he can get one straight answer out of him.

"Do you think anyone else from my work saw me?"

LMFAO- C'mon Dini are you serious! I couldn't believe that was what he was standing there for, listening to this crazy guy, smelling his odor and foul breath. (Although Dini's breath wasn't anything to brag about either!)

1:06am
We decide I need to see where he was when he woke up. These pictures are real....I took them near Harry Carays about 1 block south of the 711 on Addison and Sheffield.














This is the actual spot Dini found to pass out in some ATT Restricted Back Alley Lot behind some bars on Clark!

Cubs Game With Coworkers: Free

Tequila Shots at Harry Carays: Free

Losing 5 Hours of your Life sleeping in back allwy parking lot after "throwing" your phone at a homeless man and running away and jumping a fence: PRICELESS



1:15am
Terry (Dini's Mom) calls and Mike picks up....

Dini- "Ya don't worry, thank god I got my phone back, I am fine..at Taco Bell with Nick, talk to you tomorrow."

Breaking Away: How I won the Great American Footrace

Who could blame the gathering crowds? This was the race of the decade. Two sprinters could not be better matched, yet one was clearly favored. Mike the 5'10" 203 lb. high school basketball phenom vs. Nick the 6'1" 2....ah nevermind. I was clearly the underdog, some even say I can't run the 40 in less than 8 seconds...yet on this day my impressive workout routine was about to pay off. I work out 3 to 4 times a week, sometimes twice a day. The walk from my house to dairy queen and the post office is uphill both ways. Mike on the other hand plays basketball with his 16 year old brother on his parents driveway, and uses the elliptical!

The race had simple rules, 2 runners, 1 lap around the black, and $20 with a side of pride. I was confident, maybe too confident....I offered Mike the inside position, without hesitation. As the crowd gathered closer and the corners were set with spotters, we took off. I bolted past Mike right off the block and coming into turn 2 I felt I clearly had a 3 -4 stride lead. I was running so fast I had to take turn 2 wide, and I checked over my shoulder I stepped awkwardly on the sidewalk edge and twisted my ankle. I thought for sure I was going down. In fact, Mike stated later "I really wanted you to fall down, I can't believe you kept running!" And run I did, the adrenaline was flowing, the fear of disappointing those who wagered on me in the back of my mind, I persevered.

It wasn't until the homestretch that I was able to pull back on the reigns. Thank god Mike gave up, he was beat and he knew it. He left nothing in the tank for the final sprint. Hobbling in, I then realized how bad my ankle was sprained. One bystander compared it to Tiger Woods winning the US Open on a bad knee, another laughed at me. I knew I had to be strong though, and strong I was. With an ankle the size of a grapefruit, I found the courage to walk to Bacci Pizzeria and bring home the celebratory pie. It was a great end to a wonderful Saturday. I wish you all could have been there. For those who were there, don't ever forget it, the feats of mental and physical strength that day are seldom seen, and rarely witnessed.

WENCH, FILL MY CHALICE . . . . please?

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Let it be known that there are plans in place for a "Dinner and Tournament." Now, this isn't going to be just your average "Dinner and Tournament." I am hoping to hop on a party wagon two days after the first full moon during the 10th month of 2008 to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Medieval Times and my 25th birthday! Does it get any more perfect than that?? A quarter century should be celebrated in style.

I don't know about you, but I personally love a great dinner and tournament. You get to eat with your hands and wet your whistle with a self-decorated chalice (classy), all while being entertained by falconry, sword fighting, jousting, and a tour through a torture chamber. Ya, that's right we are now old enough to see the torture chamber...sweeeeet.

I highly suggest checking out the website for more info, as M.T. has really stepped it up this year. The chivalry, rivalry, and revelry are second to none. Don't forget to check out the horses page; I never realized how talented they were. I'm not afraid to say that they may be the most talented performers of the entire show. Damn, that is one fine looking stallion if you ask me!

For more information
1-888-WE-JOUST
No, seriously that really is their number!

Living Big

I would like to preface this post with the following information. About two weeks ago I found this cup hidden in the back of a cabinet in our kitchen. Since finding this cup I jokingly have used the term LIVE BIG whenever possible. I am not sure it refers to any one thing in particular, more just a new motto to live by.

Right now this LIVE BIG motto seems sort of foolish considering the circumstances. Last night at 1 am, I agreed to a 60 day weight loss competition with one of my best friends... all the while asking myself how can I live big while losing weight? Now, normally a competition such as this would totally be out of the question considering the fact one of my favorite things to do is to prepare and eat food. I even think my roommates may consider me to be a lazy and unmotivated, person. Yet I see this as an opportunity to make some cash (pronounced cay-sh), and get in shape at the same time. In the mean time, I still need to figure out how to continue to live big with a shrinking waistline.

He's a Governor? Really? REALLY?

So I came across this on the internet the other day.
Ummm......not going to lie, I want some.
That's about all I have to say.

Vodka + Red Bull = Standard Saturday Night

No, the image above does not mean Vodka Red Bull (VRB) automatically leads to encounters like the one above. However, on any given Saturday night a round of VRB's are typically expected. Hence, once VRB's are distributed the night may or may not take a turn for the worse or better.

In most situations the use of VRB is to pick the night up. Maybe we are sitting in a bar debating whether or not it is time to call it night. There is also a chance we have been drinking for a long time and I feel like everyone is starting to feel the effects of multiple beers/mixed drinks but we all really want to take it up a notch. The following fact is the most important thing about VRB. Many websites point out the negatives of mixing a depressant (vodka) with a stimulant (red bull).

One doctor says, "Mixing alcohol with energy drinks such as Red Bull is like 'mixing Cocaine with Heroin', a drugs expert had claimed."

Herion with Cocaine? That doesn't sound like a negative, that sounds like a party! No, no, no with all seriousness, the major issue is that experts think Red Bull masks the effect that alcohol is having on your body. This so called masking in turn allows us to drink more. In fact one study about people who mix Red Bull with alcohol states...

"In a typical drinking session, they drank up to 36 per cent more than the other students, and they also reported twice as many episodes of weekly drunkenness, and random sexual encounters."

This is scary stuff if you ask me. After reading articles like these plastered all over the net I think that I, like most social drinkers will probably give up mixing Red Bull into vodka and start mixing it with every drink we have. Twice as many episodes of weekly drunkenness you say? Can it mask the effects of alcohol? Random sexual encounters? I'll tell you what's scary...Imagine how fantastic it would have been if we had these statistics when we were in college!